noctambulant

I don't like to talk so I write.

I wanna leave this town,

 

I know someday i will.
But for now, I’m here and I will make it worth.
Because it’s the only way to show who I am, where I’m from and where I want to go.

 

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I can smile.

I can cry.

I can laugh without a cause.

I can be sad.

I can love.

I can see the sun.

I can see the sky.

I can run.

I can sleep under the stars.

I can be free.

Because I’m alive.

 

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Best of sink is that you can’t be lower.
You can only go up.
To stay afloat.

 

 

Ph: Dirk Mai

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How many times you change of skin?

Because I remember my skin tanned

and now it’s pale.

I remember my wounds

and now they’re scars.

 

 

Ph: Dirk Mai

All part of me.

You know?

I don’t regret anything.

I don’t want to delate anything from my past.

Because those things,

those mistakes,

those falls,

those laughs,

those moments

made me who I am today.

Right now.

All is part of me.

All damage, suffering, sorrow, pain,

All made me grow, mature, learn,

appreciate the finer things in life,

value happiness and love.

Value life.

The Ultimatum.

Anger.
Fear.
Pain.
Madness.

He screams and tries to get me out of bed.

Insults aloud. Back to scream.

I cry, I cry. I cry in silence, full of impotence.

I can not move.

I wish, with all my strength, die or disappear because I’m actually living dead.

All is calm. He leaves.

 

Trembling, I take the nail polish and throw against the mirror.

I deserve to die.
Everything was my fault.
It was crazy.
Because of me were all sick.
Sick with anger.
I was sick with sadness.
I was driving everyone crazy.

A year ago I was breaking mirrors. Literal.
I was beside myself.
I hated that object. I still hate.
I hated that he was facing me. Torturing.

I hated the guy who was yelling. I still hate.

 

A year ago I was living my nightmare.

I still remember the screams.

I still feel in my body the feeling that would not be the same girl.

 

It was the ultimatum.

Goodnight.

I like night.
Not in the way that you think.
I like stay in home, in my pajama, laying in my bed.
I like to stay awake when everyone’s asleep.
When everything’s quiet.
I think about everything. too much for my own good.
But I like it.
It’s peaceful. It’s my time.
Me and my brain.
I create stories in my mind.
I project.
I dream awake.

Of course, in the morning I’m a zombie but I don’t care.
I will always prefer the night.